City Officials: Please Stop Feeding Peanut Butter And Jelly Sandwiches To The Seals

NYP- Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches aren’t getting a seal of approval from Massachusetts wildlife officials. The Wareham Department of Natural Resources urged residents to give seals some space after finding several peanut butter sandwiches near a harp seal that had washed ashore on Swift’s Beach Monday. “I’m sure someone came across it and felt bad for it,” Garry Buckminster, the director of the town’s Department of Natural Resources, told Boston.com “While the intent was nice that they thought he would love a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on his way down the coast, we frown upon it,” he said. A harp seal’s diet typically consists of small fish, according to the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration.

Hey city officials, fuck you. Fuck off. That’s what I say to them for telling people not to feed peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to seals. Just because a seal’s diet consists of small fish doesn’t mean they can’t have a delicious treat every not and again. A human diet consists of eating mostly fruits, vegetables and meat but does that mean we don’t shove chocolate sundaes and candy into our mouth holes every once in a while? No it does not. We allow ourselves those treats because they are delicious and they make life worth living. Same goes for these seals and delicious PB and J sandwiches. It’s a little treat that breaks of the monotony of their diet. These city officials are acting like people are slipping the seals pills of cyanide. Relax.

While we’re on the topic of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, how delicious are they? God damn are they delicious. And easy. I don’t eat them nearly enough despite how easy they are to make. It’s somewhat inexplicable that PB and J’s are viewed as something only children eat. Kids are assholes and undeserving of being the only demographic who gets to eat PB and J’s on a regular basis. We as a society should change that. PB and J’s should no longer just be made by moms and dads who are too lazy to make their kids an actual meal. 2019 should be the year that we take back peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.